Life journal 1
They always ask me “Why didn’t you talk to anyone?”, “Why are you so quiet?”. I just tell them that “Because I don’t fit in with the people around me.”, and then they look at me with eyes full of surprise.
I have actually thought that I had to change at some point, when the teacher told me to come out of my shell. I tried to, but later realized that I couldn’t. I didn’t feel comfortable with it at all. And then when I came to university, I set out my goal to be more active and sociable by joining some clubs, but it also a failure since I couldn’t find any thing that could interest me. Everyone around me is so enthusiastic, yet I can’t seem to make myself move and join the crowd. I don’t even feel comfortable with teamwork, and it just sucks. I actually afraid that if I keep on like this, I might fall behind. I feel as if something was wrong with me, and it needed to be fixed.
But then when I’m older, I realize that is not the case. Even though I don’t have that many friends, but those friends I have, each of them see me as who I am, an introvert. While people don’t see me in the crowd, they always do. When I do stuffs with them, I feel free. The people closest to my are extroverts, but we get along just fine. I figure out that no, there is nothing wrong with me, it’s just simply that I haven’t found my place in the new environment yet…or maybe I won’t at all. Sometimes it feels like there aren’t many place for introverts to go to, when everything is moving extrovert. Even at my school, they promote active teamwork which I feel hard to breathe. I could hardly like anything in the school, which ultimately drives away my concentration and passion for studying…
Sigh… I just wish that people take introverts more seriously than this, because we can do more given the right place…
[ Probably should go and buy Quiet… ]
Cover photo belongs to NanoMortis.