Life journal 4

People tell you to be yourself, yet they still judge you for who you are…”

Even without my awareness, I always seemed to be a weird kid since I was in my late secondary school years. I think people could almost see me as a strange nerd, as I didn’t share anything in common with them. But somehow, it didn’t bother me back then. Maybe I was too childish to even realize that, or maybe I was simply an idiot back then.

Then my secondary school ended with not many treasurable memories to remember. On the first days with my new class, everything seemed normal, as we were just getting to know each other, until the very late of my first high school year, things changed drastically, and I discovered that I had gotten myself into the best class ever.

Maybe that was the only place where I felt like a normal person, because everyone was so unique. They had their own colors. Each individual stood out from everybody in their own ways, which were so fun to see. It was the only place that I got to be myself without worrying about anything, since they were just like me in a different way. Even when I graduated from high school, I still carried so many memories with me to college, and I had hoped that my new classmates in college could be this wonderful too…

But I soon realized that I was dreaming a fantasy. Here I am now, in my third year of college, and I barely have anyone I could even call close friend, not to mention I don’t speak to half of the class. Every time I think of the past, it just hits me that the only time I feel like a normal person was the time I spent with all those peculiar people, and now, I’m just simply a fish out of water. Back then I could speak about all my interests to my friends and without worrying a thing, and now I could barely talk about it, since I know what I receive will simply be “You really only like these weird stuffs, don’t you?”. Everyone around me seems to be singing the same song which I couldn’t bring myself to sing it. I can’t like the same stuff as they do, as in trending pop songs, singers, actors and whatnot, so in the end I find myself have absolutely nothing to talk to them. I feel hard to breath every time I go to school, and I just want the class to end as soon as possible so that I could get out of the place. Trying to be sociable all the time only drains away my energy, to the point that sometimes, I wish to be just like them, being normal like that, so that I don’t have to try so hard just to fit in with my classmates. Even though I know that being different is a gift, but the price I have to pay for it is just too much sometimes. I’m lucky enough to still have friends who “speak the same language” as I do, but finding a place to actually be free once more seems to be a fantasy now…


3 thoughts on “DIFFERENCE

    1. I suppose it’s true. But then, for me it’s more of a pain to find people who’re like me than listening to what others have to say. I know that not all of them think badly about us, just that they find us a bit different, so it’s natural that we couldn’t fit in.


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