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Life journal 10

How can you win a battle against yourself…

Lately, I have been thinking about many school stuffs. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. But even when I don’t, it still haunts me, like a shadow creeping behind me…

People around me said that college was very fun, and I was expecting to experience it so much that I got disappointed in the very first month. I thought I could at least make some new proper friends, yet there I was feeling like a sociopath, despite my effort trying to fit in, to be somebody that was not me.

Thanks to 2 and a half “fantastic” years in college, I am now in a much tighter situation than I used to be. Always trying to preoccupy myself with something so that my mind won’t remind me of coming back to school. If I couldn’t find anything to keep me busy, I will get drawn into a constant battle with my head, the battle I know that I cannot win. The day is getting close, and I can’t seem to escape this loop…

Where to go in a world that is trying to make you become who you are not…

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