Life journal 16
I have only heard of the term “Highly sensitive person” ( HSP ) not too long ago. Before that, I have always thought I have some kind of a mental problem in controlling my emotions.
I couldn’t remember since when I had become so sensitive toward…almost everything. I’m not talking about “tearing up in during a sentimental movie”, I’m talking about how a slightest sound or a faintest scent can open a door to my memory, create something new in my little “imaginary town”, or even better, turn my feeling up side down. I get anxious under pressure, get uncomfortable quickly in an unfamiliar crowd. Even a single song could make my eyes wet although I was perfectly fine one second ago. It happens so much that sometimes I actually tried to hold it back, but then I failed miserably all the time.
It has never been easy to live with your true feeling, and it’s even harder when you tend to feel more than everyone else. You see the world not just with your eyes, but with all the other senses. It’s almost like you expose yourself to the world a lot more and eventually, the world touches you in a myriad ways. It does truly feel nice sometimes, especially when you are alone, because that is the only moment when you can be who you are without worrying about anything.
But then for most of the time, it is rather overwhelming. For me, I have to always try to conceal it, because I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of others. There is a public image that everyone tries to keep. Since you’re so sensitive by nature, if someone critics you, you tend to take it personally. I guess the worst comments which I have heard so far were “Why are you so sensitive?” and “Stop being weak.” Some people see being sensitive is just the same as being weak, and it saddens me. I have always been told to open up a bit, but if I just look at what I have gotten by doing so, it’s feel as if they just want me to contain my thoughts and feelings even more. I learnt it the hard way, hence I don’t want to ever do it again, because it’s sort of meaningless if people are not on the same page with you.
Sensitivity is not a weakness, and I hope people will come to understand that. To HSP, it is their strengths, since it helps them to see the world in the way that other people cannot. They are the best listeners that you can ever find, because they sympathize with your feeling easily. If you ever have a chance to enter their minds, you would see how fascinating their worlds are, because as I said, they do not “see” only through their eyes. It’s hard to control your emotions sometimes, even for people who are not highly sensitive. Trust me, HSP always try their best to keep them at bay, but they just feel so much to the point that it becomes challenging to do so.
Therefore, the next time if you happen to come across a highly sensitive person, don’t think that they’re just being frail with their emotions, because they “bear” more than you could ever imagine.
[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]