Life journal 19

It is just…a wonderful thing that I have in my crappy life.

I listen to quite a lot of different types of music, from the softest melody to the “crazy” dark songs that I cannot resist sometimes. It’s my encouragement, my means of comfort, and maybe also something that still keeps me…sane ( Well, most of the time ). It affects me in so many ways, helps me to find inspiration and give me motivation to keep my things ( and maybe life ) going.

In a lot of my good memories, music play an important role, or even be the reason why they even exist. It was all the time I successfully played any song on my Violin, or even better, perform in front of many people. Now that was fun. It was in high school and I was a 11th grader. My school decided to hold a music contest for everyone to celebrate the National teacher day. My class practiced very hard for it, and I had my first chance to play in front of everyone else. That was very scary to say the least, and I was so nervous. But it was also the feeling that I could never forget, as I stood on that stage and played my violin. It was an overwhelming feeling, something that I do not know how to describe by words. And I never forgot that day, because I have never ever felt so happy and so contented. It was simply marvelous. Then there was that day when I first went to a life orchestra. I was amazed to say the least. Seeing the musicians creating such wonderful and mesmerizing music just left me in awe. I can’t never forget that feeling, sitting in the conservatorium and being taken into the magnificent world of music.

How I miss all those times so much. My high school was where I had so much fun with my violin and my fellow friends. Every time I look back, I just wish to be there again at those moments when the world and the life around you do not matter. It was just you and the music with the violin you loved so much. Now that my heart has gotten so empty, I can barely play, and my mind is just always occupied with depression. It’s such a shame, to see how much a single mental problem has done to me, to the point that made me drop my most favourite thing to do in this life…

But maybe one day, and soon I hope, I can pick my violin up again, and play it like how I used to, with feelings, emotions, passion…

And love.

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]



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