Life journal 18

I do wish that I could find a place like that in real life.

Asides from this little home that I adore so much, or my “mind palace” where I could be whoever or whatever I want, there is another place where I go to to escape the dreadful life and relax.

Well, to be honest, it’s just an online game.

The name is Guildwars 2.

It’s been more than a year since I started playing it. Back then it was just me and my friend, roaming around the world ( called Tyria ), till we met a wonderful guild in which my real journey in the game begin.

There is this thing about online communication is that… It’s easier to communicate with people, because when we cannot see each other, we won’t judge before actually talking to anyone. And it’s easier for me because I don’t have to stand in front of strangers and try not to embarrass myself in front of others. I can just sit in my room, comfortably typing out my replies without feeling shy or anything.

Then it comes to a point when I could actually spoke with them in English. I was terrified in my first time. I have never ever spoken in English to anyone outside of my class, not to mention they are all foreigners. I remember a hundred of questions popping inside my heads, and most of them are about “Am I making any sense to them?”, “Can they understand me?”, “Did I misspell anything?”, “Why do my pronunciation sound so crappy?”, “Stop panicking!”. It was such a funny memory, but thanks to that, I am now feeling much more comfortable and confident of my speaking skill. Moreover, I have met many lovely people and made friends with them. They have helped me a lot in many way, and sometimes I come to them for some advice about things, because most of them are quite older than me, so they have more life experience than I do.

If I think about it, I might be a bit silly to treat a game with so much…feelings like that. But then again, the little happiness it brought me has helped me sail through many dark times, and I’m sure it will stay like that…

At least for now. 🙂

[ Cover image is a screenshot taken in the game. ]



Into my weaboo side 8

“I have to find out who I am… I’m scared… What if I’m not even human…?”


I think my first impression on Vivi ( For the ones who don’t know who that is, it’s a character from the game Final Fantasy IX ) was this guy looked rather cute. Small body frame with a pointy hat, I could tell that he was a mage, a black mage to be exact. Then I went around the town of Alexandria in his point of view, I realized he had such an innocent mind, almost close to that of a child itself. It surprised me a bit, because I didn’t expect to see this type of characteristics in a black mage. Also, I really like his design, especially his face. You won’t see much in there, except for his bright yellow eyes. He tended to fix his hat every now and then, and felt very much insecure of himself.

Throughout the game, I discovered the truth about Vivi, that he had originally been created by the main antagonist as a soulless tool to bring wars and chaos to the world. This fact brought him sorrow about his existence, but he was still very determined to go to the root of things. He was scared of the thought of being a mere puppet only to serve humans. Despite that, he still pushed through, regardless of his fear.

Vivi… Do you really know what you’re doing? The answer you seek may forever change your life for the worse.”

“Um…… Y-yeah… But… But I have to… I have to find out who I am… I’m scared… What if I’m not even human…?”

The journey brought him to the point of wondering what the meaning of life is after talking with a black mage in the Black Mage village. Knowing that we would eventually “stop” at some point, he felt distress. He didn’t know what to think or what to do, especially what this life meant to him.

Mr 288 told me that I understand what it means to live and to die… But it’s only because I thought stopping was different from dying… I don’t think I really understand what it means to live or to die. Where do we come from…? Do we go back there when we die…? If that’s what it means to live… I wonder where I came from… Where will I end up when I die…? Why am I shaking? What is it I’m feeling…?”

After the incident in which Kuja took control of Bahamut and killed queen Brahne, for the first time, Vivi felt grief over his “supposed-to-be-satisfaction”. Seeing Dagger mourning next to the corpse of her mother, he felt sad for her, and I think this was his stepping stone to realize for himself, with the helps of his friends, that he was not a puppet. He might not be a human, but he shared the same thing with them. He had a soul of himself, and a very kind one at that too.

I don’t know why Bahamut attacked the one who summoned him. But we found Queen Brahne on the beach, next to her escape pod. She could hardly move. And I thought she’d come to a stop any second. I hate Kuja a lot. But I hate Brahne a lot, too… so much that I wanted this to happen to her. I should be happy, but… Once I saw Dagger started to cry, I didn’t know how I should feel. I kind of wanted to cry, too…”

For me, Vivi is a very well-developed character, from the design to the personality. I really admired his strong determination to fight off his fear and face the truth, no matter how painful it is. He is the type of character that many players could relate to, especially in the aspect of finding one’s self. Vivi holds many deep emotions, and most of them are confusions about himself, about if he has any meaning to this life. How he faced the fear of “stop functioning” eventually is one of my most favourite things in the game. It reminds me about the lesson of life, that as long as you can fulfill your life with what your hearts want to do and live a meaningful life, the thought of having to “stop” at some point isn’t so scary anymore. It is truly beautiful a character Vivi is, and I think his lessons would always remain relevant in real life, regardless the flow of time…

“I always talked about you, Zidane. How you were a very special person to us, because you taught us all how important life is. You taught me that life doesn’t last forever. That’s why we have to help each other and live life to the fullest. Even if you say goodbye, you’ll always be in our hearts. So, I know we’re not alone anymore. Why I was born… How I wanted to live… Thanks for giving me time to think. To keep doing what you set your heart on… It’s a very hard thing to do. We were all so courageous… What to do when I felt lonely… That was the only thing you couldn’t teach me. But we need to figure out the answer for ourselves… I’m so happy I met everyone… I wish we could’ve gone on more adventures. But I guess we all have to say goodbye someday. Everyone… Thank you. Farewell. My memories will be part of the sky…”

[ Cover picture belongs to its rightful owner ]


Worldwide illustration 9

Guild wars 2 is a massive online RPG game that provides a vast open world for players to explore. The game has a stunning visual display with detailed graphic design and splendid concept arts. The fantasy worlds are depicted magnificently under the hand of skilled artist which gives the player a lot of enjoyable experience. Every region is carefully created to have its own feature, scenery and distinguish beauty. Below is some of the artworks of the game. For more information, please visit the game’s website or the artist’s gallery.


The images and cover belong to the game and their artist.


Into my weaboo side 4

Deemo is a piano music video game created by Rayark Inc, and it’s the best rhythm game I have ever played so far. With Deemo, you have access not only to the wonderful music but also a deep story behind it.

Through the game, you main job is to play to grow a tree, and as it grows, you will find out more about Deemo, the little girl and the masked lady in the library. There are lots of hidden stories behind the songs and the artworks that you would have the change to find out through the game. Music in Deemo is a combination of classic and modern, as shown in the variety of music styles depend on the composers. Calm and peaceful, but soulful and vibrating are what you could feel when you hear it. Every song has its own artwork, and they are all very gorgeous. The styles of them vary in each album, and within some of them contain secret meanings. Then it comes to the story, which leads you to many secrets and surprises, and lefts you with many thoughts which linger in your mind, along with a message that always vibrates in everyone’s heart…

Some of Deemo artworks.


To find more Deemo artwork, click here.

Deemo trailer.

Deemo ver 2.0 trailer.


Some of the composers’ Soundcloud

V.K’s Soundcloud

M2U’s Soundcloud

Mili’s Soundcloud

Sta’s Soundcloud

Ice’s Soundcloud

All the artworks belong to Rayark Inc. and their artists.