STOP

Life journal 25

Just for one moment…

When you were preoccupying yourself,

When you just finished a book or a movie that motivated you to keep on going,

When you were working,

When you were not “thinking”,

You thought you were fine.

Telling yourself “you can beat your own monster”

And your nightmare would be gone.

But you would never expect,

All it took was just a little thing, so tiny…

To make you think again…

“Stop!”

But your mind would not listen.

“Stop!”

But your heart would not stay calm.

“Stop!”

And you could not do anything…

To convince your mind that you were worthy,

To see what more you could achieve in the future,

To find a reason to strive,

To at least accept yourself…

That you were not your mental illness.

You knew so well all these things

But it had never been easy

To stop…

_ _ _ _ _

I can’t stop…

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

HIGH SCHOOL

Life journal 24

Saying “I like my high school.” would be a lie, because I never actually like it.

For so many times, I have said “I hate it.”, and I did mean it. Well, nobody really likes exams, deadlines and such, don’t they?

However, without doubt,

My three years in high school have been the best time that I have ever gotten the change to experience in my life.

Because no matter how I look at it, I would never could find a single class that could be so unique, so talented, so artistic and so darn good at English like my high school classmates.

_ _ _ _ _

We all started as strangers, awkwardly exchanged looks to one another. It didn’t take long until we became friends and began to play mischief that we all laughed at in the end.

As for me, there was a hard time when I tried to fit in, because I was nowhere near being sociable. My most vague memory was of a friend who invited me to go to the cafeteria with her to buy food for the first time, then she commented that I was too shy and cute.

Of course, she found out that she was very wrong later on.

Since I’m an introvert, the feeling of being left out has always occupied me, no matter where I am. Nevertheless, in my high school class, I had never felt that I was a freak. Most of the people who had spoken to me in the class defined me as scary and weird, and they happily accepted that. Never once had I heard them commented about my interests, because they knew about them, and they respected them. It applied to everyone else. Each individual had a different “common sense”, however, they all shared the same thing. It was their differences that made them so unique but at the same time, so alike.

My class’ specialty was English. Everyone in the class had passed an entrance test held by the school before they were placed in here. At first, I didn’t expect much. The test was fairly easy in my opinion, so I assumed that people in this class would have about average English skills, if not less.

Well, I was wrong, and time was the proof for it.

The more time I spent with my classmates, the more they amazed me. A class where everyone was not only surprisingly good in four basic skills of English but also pretty decent with grammatical issues, not to mention their fair vocabularies. I had learnt a lot from them. Being under the same class with them had improved my English greatly. If it was not for them, I don’t think that I could be sitting here and typing all these at this moment, in English, comfortably.

In a small world that you can be yourself without worrying a thing, for me, it was a bless. No matter how many fights, argues, annoyances had occurred during my high school, no matter how serious they might seem, and even though they costed me a friend, it could still not rip away the delight that high school had brought me.

And now here I am, 3 years later, looking at old photos my friends share on facebook, the photos of our last day in high school…

All the goofs that we had made,

All the music that we had played,

All the effort for the senior school camp,

All for just only “one” moment that we spent together, under the starry night…

The moment that made us different people into one big family,

The one that I had the pleasure to be with.

Somewhere around the last days of May,

Goodbye, high school.

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

WHY I WRITE

Life journal 23

If I really think about it, I notice that I have never actually found any satisfied answer.

Why do I write?

May it be to express my feelings ?

For relaxation ?

Or just for fun ?

I used to think that the reason was because I could escape from reality when I wrote, which was also true in some cases.

But I always feel that there is something more…

I only write when inspiration strikes me. That would be either when I’m truly contented or deep in sorrow. The special case being somewhere in the middle of those two feelings, the thin line between sane and depression, but then that’s mostly when I could write at my best. It’s not exactly a good habit to maintain, I suppose. But no matter how much I try, I still cannot do anything about it.

So I just consider it as a candle light for my never-ending nightmare.

Every time I write, it lights up and with its dimming light, casts away the darkness, little by little.

And I think that’s why I write.

To empty my darkness.

And to give it light, even if it’s the thinnest ray…

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

 

 

DISTRACTION

Random 2

Every morning, she wakes up at noon.

Turning on her laptop, putting on some music.

Then starts the daily routine of “distracting herself”

May that be spending hours playing game,

Practicing violin, writing stories,

Reading books or manga,

Watching movies and animes…

Anything that keeps her away from thinking.

From acknowledging the world around her.

It pains her, every time she’s aware of all those meaningless things that she’s doing…

For their purpose is just to keep her sane…

So that she can “live” on…

At least, until that cursed day comes…

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

 

 

MINDLESS THINKING

Life journal 22

I wish…

That I was born an extrovert.

That I would be like everyone else,

Be out-going, be talkative, be confident.

That I would like the same things everyone does,

So that I don’t have to feel lonely in a crowd.

That I would like to speak, and would speak better

That anxiety and depression would be gone.

And I wish I wouldn’t feel shy anymore

Wouldn’t be too sensitive toward everything.

Wouldn’t have so many peculiar interests…

Or at least compare to the most of the people.

So that I won’t have to hear things like…

“Why don’t you talk to anyone?”

“She only likes the weirdest thing.”

I just wish to be the same as everyone else…

Then I won’t have to worry about too many things anymore.

But…

If they all came true…

I would lose my ability to write like this…

Actually, I think I wouldn’t even be able to think like this.

The way I interact with the world…

I would have to give it up too.

The sympathy of a listener that lies inside me,

The beautiful art gallery that I’m so proud of

Or the melodies that not everyone knows…

And this mind that never stop imagining

These worlds, these stories that I built myself…

All the pages I have written…

Would be all gone…

I would lose this very “me” that is different…

And so…

This never-ending battle was created…

“What should I be…”

[Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

THE SAD WALTZ

Life journal 21

Softly touch the wooden floor

Trying to remember the old feelings

They start to move, slowly and clumsily

With the melody singing in the heart.

As they trip, stumble, then fall

Their skins go red and comes the nostalgic pain

Along with the memories of those good old days

When they could dance joyfully on these strings

For hours without feeling bone-tiring.

Happiness, sadness and pain

Overwhelm by the second they move

How they wish to be back again

To dance, to play, and create beautiful sound

Before that one moment destroyed everything.

Here they’re now, trying and striving to thrive

To get back, and to get better.

So that one day, they could bloom once more

And be at ease, in their own world, with music and love…

_ _ _ _ _

“I wish that I could play again

To the melody that sings in my heart…”

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

MY BEST FRIEND

Life journal 20

It was a Sunday morning if my memory isn’t wrong…

“Have you waken up yet?”

“I have…” *Yawn*

“Good good. When will you come and pick me up?”

“Uh…in 30 minutes.”

“Okay. I will be waiting.”

Beep.

And then about 45 minutes later, I saw somebody outside of the door as my phone started ringing again.

“Mom, I’ll be off. My friend is here.”

_ _ _ _ _

Today, she decided to do some “remodeling” to my wadrobe since I haven’t got the chance to buy new clothes for a whole year due to many incidents…

“Oh look at this dress! You should try it on! Oh and this shirt too. It’s soooooo cute! Look!”

I took the dresses and the shirts she pointed out and went to the dressing room.

“See? That looks so nice on you! It fits your body perfectly.” She said while looking at me and my reflection in the mirror.

“You’re right. It does look nice.” I commented as checking myself in a simple yet rather formal red dress.

“Haha, I’m so good.”

Then we both laughed cheerfully with much joy.

After the hectic clothes shopping, she took me to the lipstick shop that she had heard so many good things about. The staff greeted us nicely as we stepped inside.

“What do you think of this color?” She turned to me after applying a light red-orange color lipstick.

“Hm… I think it’s good.” I nodded. “I kind of want to buy the same one too, but I guess it doesn’t suit me that well.” I look at myself in the mirror and sighed.

“Well…” She scanned her eyes through all the display color. “How about…” She grinned widely. “This one?”

She gave me the “Sexy lady” named lipstick with a dark red-brown color. My eyes twitched as I looked at her.

“Haha, very nice.”

“What? It might suit you, you know? You have that sexy adult edge anyway.”

“I have what now?”

“Just put it on!” She shoved the lipstick in my hand.

“You are really…” I groaned, but tried it out anyway.

“See? That looks better on you than me.”

Much to my dismay, she didn’t wrong.

“But this won’t very good if I didn’t put actual make-up on you know? And I hardly do that.” I commented.

“Yeah, such a shame…” She sighed. “Oh oh but, how about this one?”

This time, she gave me the purple shaded one.

“I bet you will like this one.” She giggled.

“Did you just ask me to kill you?” I smirked with much annoyance.

( She just knows I hate purple color so much that she could literally make jokes out of that.)

“Come on…!” She nagged.

“Urg, hell no. No-way.”

But then in the end, she helped me to choose two lipsticks with colors that looked very nice on me. And so we went home, feeling satisfied of what we had brought that day.

Later that night.

I did my usual routine of checking facebook to see if there was anything interesting, and I saw my notification popping up. I clicked it.

You have been tagged in a post.

“The type of close friend that doesn’t always have to see each other but is still forever best friend.”

We have been friend for about 8 years.

She sees me as her sister, and I see her the same way around.

We know all the little things about each other, what the other hates and how to use them to tease one another.

And it has stayed that way, for 8 years, no matter all the ups and downs.

It has never been perfect, but that…

That is our unbreakable friendship.

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

MUSIC

Life journal 19

It is just…a wonderful thing that I have in my crappy life.

I listen to quite a lot of different types of music, from the softest melody to the “crazy” dark songs that I cannot resist sometimes. It’s my encouragement, my means of comfort, and maybe also something that still keeps me…sane ( Well, most of the time ). It affects me in so many ways, helps me to find inspiration and give me motivation to keep my things ( and maybe life ) going.

In a lot of my good memories, music play an important role, or even be the reason why they even exist. It was all the time I successfully played any song on my Violin, or even better, perform in front of many people. Now that was fun. It was in high school and I was a 11th grader. My school decided to hold a music contest for everyone to celebrate the National teacher day. My class practiced very hard for it, and I had my first chance to play in front of everyone else. That was very scary to say the least, and I was so nervous. But it was also the feeling that I could never forget, as I stood on that stage and played my violin. It was an overwhelming feeling, something that I do not know how to describe by words. And I never forgot that day, because I have never ever felt so happy and so contented. It was simply marvelous. Then there was that day when I first went to a life orchestra. I was amazed to say the least. Seeing the musicians creating such wonderful and mesmerizing music just left me in awe. I can’t never forget that feeling, sitting in the conservatorium and being taken into the magnificent world of music.

How I miss all those times so much. My high school was where I had so much fun with my violin and my fellow friends. Every time I look back, I just wish to be there again at those moments when the world and the life around you do not matter. It was just you and the music with the violin you loved so much. Now that my heart has gotten so empty, I can barely play, and my mind is just always occupied with depression. It’s such a shame, to see how much a single mental problem has done to me, to the point that made me drop my most favourite thing to do in this life…

But maybe one day, and soon I hope, I can pick my violin up again, and play it like how I used to, with feelings, emotions, passion…

And love.

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

 

MY LITTLE SANCTUARIES

Life journal 18

I do wish that I could find a place like that in real life.

Asides from this little home that I adore so much, or my “mind palace” where I could be whoever or whatever I want, there is another place where I go to to escape the dreadful life and relax.

Well, to be honest, it’s just an online game.

The name is Guildwars 2.

It’s been more than a year since I started playing it. Back then it was just me and my friend, roaming around the world ( called Tyria ), till we met a wonderful guild in which my real journey in the game begin.

There is this thing about online communication is that… It’s easier to communicate with people, because when we cannot see each other, we won’t judge before actually talking to anyone. And it’s easier for me because I don’t have to stand in front of strangers and try not to embarrass myself in front of others. I can just sit in my room, comfortably typing out my replies without feeling shy or anything.

Then it comes to a point when I could actually spoke with them in English. I was terrified in my first time. I have never ever spoken in English to anyone outside of my class, not to mention they are all foreigners. I remember a hundred of questions popping inside my heads, and most of them are about “Am I making any sense to them?”, “Can they understand me?”, “Did I misspell anything?”, “Why do my pronunciation sound so crappy?”, “Stop panicking!”. It was such a funny memory, but thanks to that, I am now feeling much more comfortable and confident of my speaking skill. Moreover, I have met many lovely people and made friends with them. They have helped me a lot in many way, and sometimes I come to them for some advice about things, because most of them are quite older than me, so they have more life experience than I do.

If I think about it, I might be a bit silly to treat a game with so much…feelings like that. But then again, the little happiness it brought me has helped me sail through many dark times, and I’m sure it will stay like that…

At least for now. 🙂

[ Cover image is a screenshot taken in the game. ]

EMPTINESS

Life journal 17

There was once when she was filled with flair,

For the teachers who taught her told so

“You can go further than you ever know

Because you’ve already had it inside your heart.”

She was delighted, elated, and grateful

For all the things that they have gave her.

Time passed by, and she grew older

Struggling with people’s voices inside her head.

The used-to-be inspiration got collapsed

Leaving all the broken dreams behind.

All the words seem to be meaningless

Since it is not something that you just “get over with”.

But people keep telling her what to do

As they think that they just know best.

“Stop being weak, and stand up”

Thinking they know how she really feels like…

It is as if the world has become so empty

Like a place which has nothing but black void…

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist ]

SENSITIVITY

Life journal 16

I have only heard of the term “Highly sensitive person” ( HSP ) not too long ago. Before that, I have always thought I have some kind of a mental problem in controlling my emotions.

I couldn’t remember since when had I become so sensitive toward…almost everything. I’m not talking about “tearing up in during a sentimental movie”, I’m talking about how a slightest sound or a faintest scent can open a door to my memory, create something new in my little “imaginary town”, or even better, turn my feeling up side down. I get anxious under pressure, get uncomfortable quickly in an unfamiliar crowd. Even a single song could make my eyes wet although I was perfectly fine one second ago. It happens so much that sometimes I actually tried to hold it back, but then I failed miserably all the time.

It has never been easy to live with your true feeling, and it’s even harder when you tend to feel more than everyone else. You see the world not just with your eyes, but with all the other senses. It’s almost like you expose yourself to the world a lot more and eventually, the world touches you in a myriad ways. It does truly feel nice sometimes, especially when you are alone, because that is the only moment when you can be who you are without worrying about anything.

But then for most of the time, it is rather overwhelming. For me, I have to always try to conceal it, because I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of others. There is a public image that everyone tries to keep. Since you’re so sensitive by nature, if someone critics you, you tend to take it personally. I guess the worst comments which I have heard so far were “Why are you so sensitive?” and “Stop being weak.” Some people see being sensitive is just the same as being weak, and it saddens me. I have always been told to open up a bit, but if I just look at what I have gotten by doing so, it’s feel as if they just want me to contain my thoughts and feelings even more. I learnt it the hard way, hence I don’t want to ever do it again, because it’s sort of meaningless if people are not on the same page with you.

Sensitivity is not a weakness, and I hope people will come to understand that. To HSP, it is their strengths, since it helps them to see the world in the way that other people cannot. They are the best listeners that you can ever find, because they sympathize with your feeling easily. If you ever have a chance to enter their minds, you would see how fascinating their worlds are, because as I said, they do not “see” only through their eyes. It’s hard to control your emotions sometimes, even for people who are not highly sensitive. Trust me, HSP always try their best to keep them at bay, but they just feel so much to the point that it becomes challenging to do so.

Therefore, the next time if you happen to come across a highly sensitive person, don’t think that they’re just being frail with their emotions, because they “bear” more than you could ever imagine.

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

MY LITTLE HAPPINESS

Life journal 15

It is the time when I first successfully played Canon in D on my violin.

It’s the time when I joined the school camp in my last year of high school.

The time when I was the first to solved a difficult math problem.

Or when I scored higher than I thought.

It’s the old memory when my father gave me the little doll which I keep until today.

When I went with him to the bookstore…

And I just innocently urged him to buy me toys like a little child.

It’s the feeling of excitement

To get on my brother’s bike and go to places.

How beautifully the flower road was made on new year’s days.

And how it felt like to breathe in the spirit of the incoming year.

It’s the silly conversations I had with my cousin,

That left us laughing for minutes after.

The feeling of being inspired

When you need to finish your story.

It’s the melody that makes your heart flutter

Or the book that makes you pleased.

Even the simplest word that one spoke

Help me able to smile through the darkest days…

[ Cover picture belongs to the rightful artist. ]

NUMB

Life journal 14

I thought I my first days of new year would be filled with the same delighted feeling I felt before stepping into the next year.

But now…

Why do I feel so empty, so numb…?

Even with all the guests coming to the house, wishing for a wonderful year to come, I couldn’t bring myself to be happy or to even care about it.

Even when my father asked if I want to go with him to my relatives’ place, I couldn’t feel joy in it.

It’s scary, the feeling of nothingness, then it becomes painful when you see everyone else is enjoying their time so much, how happy they are in this first days…

Why couldn’t I feel the same…?

Why do I always feel like sleeping all day, ignoring the world around me…

I just wish that I could have fun like everyone else, not just stay here and try to distract myself from all the negative thoughts.

Why is it so hard to feel happy now…

My father wished me to be stronger in the coming year.

I doubt that I could do it…

Knowing how I am right now…

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist ]

THE END OF THE YEAR

Life journal 13

So why does the title say “The end of the year”?

Well, for my country, the official new year would be Lunar new year.

Lots of preparation to do, cleaning the house, buying things and whatnot, hence I have been hiatus for a few days. New year’s eve will be on January 27th, so 1 more day to go!

Last year has been…quiet hectic for me. I got in a traffic accident, couldn’t walk for like 2 months, then the depression, mental health, school problems and everything I wished that did not happen. But that’s how life it I guess, you can’t hardly know what would happen next, and that is both the beauty and the annoying thing of it.

For long I haven’t really felt excited about all the new year stuffs anymore. Maybe it’s just that I have grown older so that feeling is somehow gone. But this year, I don’t know why, but I could feel in myself, this intriguing sense about the incoming new days. Maybe I have grown even more sensitive to my surrounding without noticing it. The new year musics, the smells of traditional foods, the decorated scenery,… all of them seem oddly delightful this year. Maybe, just maybe, I would go to the flower street and see if I enjoy it this time. It has been such a very long time since I last went there. It would be nice if it could breath into me the true spirit of what new year is all about, a new door, a new beginning, and a fresh start…

[ Cover image belongs to the artist ]

DEPRESSION

Life journal 12

I guess the worst thing about depression is that… you start to lose interest in everything you do, even your hobbies…

And passions.

Then you begin to avoid social interactions, to the point that you don’t want to go out with your close ones.

You just want to hide from the world, to be invisible…

Or to disappear.

People say that you just need to cheer up, to not think about negative things, and let you mind be unoccupied.

But you just can’t simply “cheer up”.

You just can’t simply let your mind free.

Because when your mind is not occupied,

Bad thoughts will return, and haunt you for as long as you are still here.

The feeling of being lost in the middle of an ocean called “life”, not knowing if you can do anything, if you have any talent, any thing that you are good at…

Or even if you are worthy to live in this world.

Trapped in a cage, yearning for freedom.

Which never seems to be coming true…

[ Cover image belongs to the artist. ]

 

LEARNING ENGLISH

Life journal 11

Would you believe me if I said that I used to hate English really much?

But I did, for about 2 first years of my secondary school.

Why?

Well, because I thought I sucked at it.

Back then, every day when I had English class, I just freaked out. The nervousness, anxiety, the feeling of worrying that the teacher might call you to answer some questions that you probably didn’t know. My scores would remain at 7 or 8 out of 10, which sometimes surprised me because I didn’t really study anything about it. It was like that till I got to my third year of secondary school. I met this teacher, who kind of inspired me to learn the language. Since then, I started to like it, then to a certain point, enjoy it. My grades improved a lot, as well as my knowledge, and it began to come to me that “Hey, maybe I wasn’t too bad at it as I thought.”

When I entered high school, I did something that… I had never thought I would do : I enrolled in a class which specialized in English. Along with my old friends, I passed the entrance exam and got into the class. I also started my English writing not too long after that. I still keep my very old stories written in English, so that I can see how much I have improved and how far I have gone on this certain journey. I am glad that I decided to go for that English class in high school, because not only it had helped me so much, it was also the best class which I had ever gotten the luck to get in, the most unique class I have ever known, where I could feel like myself.

And then about last year, my close friend got me into an online game named Guild wars 2. One month after playing, a guild in the game invited us in. They used Teamspeak 3 for major events, and it was a requirement for all guild members. The thought of using it did scare me a bit, because I didn’t feel confident in my speaking skill. In addition, I was from Asia, so English was only my second language. The first time I went onto Teamspeak with them, I was extremely nervous. But thanks to their welcoming and friendly attitude, I started to speak, little by little. Being able to actually have social conversations with foreigners like that had helped me to refine both speaking and listening skills a great deal. Eventually, I felt more and more comfortable whenever I had to speak the language, and I knew it would help me a lot in the future as well.

As of now, I’m writing like this on a daily basis. I’ve never thought I could have gone this far. Even though there are still many flaws in my writing, but I believe doing this would help me to improve, and I also have my friends to help me out. I also have a chance or two every week to talk to my online friends, which not only fun and relaxing but also a good opportunity for me to learn. When I was much younger, I wouldn’t dare to think that one day, I could have friends from other countries, but here I am now, chatting with them every day. I am very happy with all the things English has brought me, and I’m glad that for one rare time, I have actually done the right thing that makes my life a bit better : learning English.

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

SUFFOCATED

Life journal 10

How can you win a battle against yourself…

Lately, I have been thinking about many school stuffs. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. But even when I don’t, it still haunts me, like a shadow creeping behind me…

People around me said that college was very fun, and I was expecting to experience it so much that I got disappointed in the very first month. I thought I could at least make some new proper friends, yet there I was feeling like a sociopath, despite my effort trying to fit in, to be somebody that was not me.

Thanks to 2 and a half “fantastic” years in college, I am now in a much tighter situation than I used to be. Always trying to preoccupy myself with something so that my mind won’t remind me of coming back to school. If I couldn’t find anything to keep me busy, I will get drawn into a constant battle with my head, the battle I know that I cannot win. The day is getting close, and I can’t seem to escape this loop…

Where to go in a world that is trying to make you become who you are not…

INEQUITY

Life journal 9

Sometimes I just think…

Is there any room for the different ones…?

In the afternoon, my mother turned on the television when I was about to go upstairs. Then I noticed the television was showing some kind of music show in which people had to compose a song in a day ( I think ) to see who had the best one. I only watched two female participants perform, one with a rather bright song and the other was almost the opposite. The judges, eventually, favoured the first one because the second one’s song was a bit too “unique” and aloof, and they feared that songs like those wouldn’t get the people’s attention.

It annoyed me when I heard the judges’ opinions. I understand that…we all have to do what is best for the business, but I feel like everyone is stereotyping the standard of “what is good”. For example, most people will favour extroverts. They are energetic, enthusiastic, easy-going, talkative and whatnot. Many times in my life, I have been pushed to be like that, by the teachers. Extroverts are good, and they really are in some aspects, so do introverts. Just because we don’t talk and act as much doesn’t mean we are some kind of weirdos. I know we can’t talk big like extroverts, but see how we write, because we’re more comfortable with it. I only wish just for once people would give us a little time to see what we have in mind, just like the case I mentioned up there. Maybe it was just my personal feeling, but I did hope that she had another chance to improve her music. Every day we see and hear hundreds of upbeat songs, why not add into it a bit of depth? It’s called balance, is it not?

[ Cover image belongs to the artist. ]

ROAD

Life journal 8

I went to my cousin’s house this morning.

Recently, they have been upgrading the road, and now it’s kind of finished.

It’s funny that I almost didn’t recognize the usual road anymore.

When I was in high school, I had a bicycle for myself. Every day, I rode to school and back, going on the same road every time. It was quite a narrow road back then, and I must say sometimes I really hated it, because of the traffic jam, not to mention the road was pretty lumpy. Today, when I went across it, it felt so new, and also looked so strange. Still the same old one, but they made it wider and connected it to some other road. I suppose looking at it made me remember of those old days, riding while cursing the road, but ended up watching the beautiful sunset and almost forgot about the green light was urging me to go…

[ Cover image belongs to the rightful artist. ]

MEMORY

Life journal 7

Even when just a simple thing like a flower’s scent comes and goes with the wind, memory always remains…

When I was just a little child, me and my mother sometimes walked around the neighbor at night, enjoying the wind and the peaceful atmosphere. After awhile, we sat down on a doorstep of the house of the neighborhood’s president to rest. In his house, he had a very tall tree whose name I couldn’t remember anymore. On this tree, white flowers bloomed now and then, and they had a very beautiful smell. Every time the wind passed by, those flowers rain down onto us. It was such a nice feeling when the wonderful scent was spread through the air. My mother liked the flower a lot. She sometimes took them home and put them somewhere in the house. I remember how I always asked her the name of every tree and plant we came across along our way, like a curious child who knew almost nothing about the world…

Yesterday, I went out to have dinner with my friend. As I walked home I came across a tall tree which was blooming with white flowers from that same house back then. As my fragments of memories came back, I felt a nostalgic contentment and a pleasant happiness, something that I rarely have in this state of life…

[ Cover image belongs to their rightful artist. ]